


When you lose someone, you realise how much you needed that person

by Girl_who_talks_with_trees



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-08-19 20:09:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16541366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Girl_who_talks_with_trees/pseuds/Girl_who_talks_with_trees
Summary: A crisis in the marriage of Billy and Steve put the two in front of a sad decision : get divorced. But one event would change their minds.





	1. The crisis

Steve and Billy had been married for years. Billy had been the one to confess his feelings for Steve and the other had accepted him. Their relationship had been deep and sincere for years, but now something had changed. Some months ago, Billy had lost his job of mechanic and even if he had tried to get a new one he was still jobless. Steve had tried to stay close to his husband in this difficult moment, but it was hard to find some time with his work as a policeman. He had successfully finished the academy and now he was working at the police station of Hawkins. There was always something to do, but now that they hadn’t Billy salary anymore, he needed to do some overtime job to maintain their house and his jobless husband. Steve really wanted to help Billy get through this period, but the need of money was always keeping him away from home. 

Billy, after three applies for a work and a negative response for each one, had fallen in a state like depression. He had started to spend all his time at a bar for men four blocks away from their apartment. He drowned his sadness with alcohol, he was always drunk both at home and outside. At first Steve would find him on the floor drunk as fuck; of course this behaviour would just made him worried, but what could he do ? He was never at home. 

Then Billy had started to stay at the bar even late at night, he didn’t waited Steve to came home from work anymore. He lived just for alcohol. Steve would just came at the bar by foot, bring his drunk ass of husband at home and Billy would wake up in the middle of the night, in his bed beside a men with he didn’t even spoke anymore. He got back to sleep and woke up the next day alone, Steve had to go to work early.

Billy was feeling lonely, abandoned, empty, he wanted to be loved, to feel loved again, and one day he did it. He met a young man at the bar and after too many drinks he had went at his apartment, they had sex. Billy had felt happy and wanted for the first time in months. Steve didn’t know anything, but Billy didn’t felt too ashamed about it, so every night he was with another men. He liked to change frequently, he wasn’t searching anything serious, just something for one night go.

Steve on the other hand was beyond exhausted, work was hard both physically and mentally. He had to work twice as much as he did to have an higher salary. He was really sad about the evolution of his marriage because he was still in love with Billy, but he hadn’t a clue how to solve it. All he could do was asking for help. He confided with Dustin that over the years had become his best friend. Steve had tried to be more present in Billy’s life, but it was impossible when the bar seemed his new home. 

The first time he hadn’t found Billy waiting for him, had been a shock. He was worried that something might have happened to him. He had went out looking for his love, in the streets, in all the bar. After two hours of pure distress he had found the man drunk in a little bar. Steve had approached him slowly paying for all the beer that he had had. He had told Billy that he was taking him home, but the other didn’t seemed to collaborate. Steve had tried after differents tentatives, to pull him out. Bad decision. Billy had punched him hard in the face, making him fall down. In that moment everybody in the room was staring at them. Steve spat blood, and pulled Billy out by force. 

Billy had never beaten him after they got together, the punch had really broken Steve inside. The other man had always been bigger and stronger than him, but he had never abused of it. After that episode, Billy had become violent, he was always angry. Steve didn’t wanted to hurt him, so he just let him vent, till he just collapsed from the alcohol. Then Steve would carry him in the bath, shower him, dry him and took him to bed. He usually went to sleep around two or three in the morning. It was in these moments that Steve had realised that Billy was cheating on him. His body was covered of hickeys, but they hadn’t have a relation since Billy had lost his job. 

This had broken Steve more than everything. Something had snapped in him, he started to cry himself to sleep, he lost appetite, he started to smoke again, but quitted it immediately because he didn’t had money to spend on cigarettes. He smoked just when somebody would offer him one. 

Everyday Billy would wake up, all confused, not remembering even how he came back home. At first he noticed the bruises on his husband body, but Steve couldn’t let him know that it was him who had beaten him, so he just blamed the work. He hid the truth from Billy because it would have hurt his lover so much, and he wasn’t doing really good on self extime. He did it for love. He still loved Billy so much.

Months passed and the situation didn’t changed at all, now Billy was at home just one night out of two. And when he came back, he was always drunk as fuck, but he still wanted some beer. Steve had tried and tried not to let him drink that much, but Billy knowed how to obtain what he wanted. There was always a fight, Steve would end up all bloody and livid, while Billy would just gain another bottle of beer. 

Steve was desperate more than ever, Billy had a really serious problem, but he couldn’t give him the necessary cure and attention because he didn’t had enough money. Billy had squandered all their savings in drinks. Sometimes Steve couldn’t even buy food for the both of them. 

At work his colleagues had started to notice all his cuts and livids, one day they had asked him if his husband was abusing him, but Steve had denied everything. 

Now it had passed an entire month since the first beat up, Steve was counting how much they would have to spend that week for the house. It was clear that they didn’t had enough money for the end of that month. He needed to talk to Dustin, he would help him out of the situation. 

It was around one o’clock in the morning, he was absorbed in his thoughts when the entering door opened wide. Billy was leaning heavily in the door frame with a beer can in one hand. 

“Billy ? What are you doing ?” Steve asked concerned.

“Ittsssss fiiiiinished Sssssstev-” Billy said in a incoherent way.

Steve approached the man cautiously. Billy moved inside, Steve closed the door.

“I know, why don’t you go lie down for a bit ?” He said in the more gentle way he could.

“Noooo nooooo I wwannt anooootherrrrr” 

“You had enough beer for today Billy, come on I’ll take you to bed”

“Beeeerrr I waaaant beeeeeerrrrr !!!” Billy started to scream.

In was an instant, Billy was pushing him on the floor with all his body weight. Steve was so tired, he had been off for an entire week now, his body wasn’t collaborating as he commanded it to. Billy took him by the shirt, Steve choked. Then he was suddenly flying, he felt a sharp pain on the back of his head, after all went black.


	2. What should I do ?

He woke up to a sobbing person. He opened slowly his eyes, the light of the kitchen hurted so much his brain that he closed them immediately. His head was throbbing so much, something sticky was all over his face and he could feel it in his hair too. No it was coming from the back of his skull. He reopened his eyes to take a better look. He was on the floor and all around himself a big puddle of fresh blood was drenching his shirt, his face and his hairs. He lifted one arm to touch the back of his head. the hand came back all crimson. In that moment he realised that the crying person was Billy. 

He got himself upright, in a seated position, as fast as he could even if the action sent a terrible wave of pain and nausea.

“Billy ?”

The other man didn’t replied, he continued to sob.

“Billy ? It’s okay sweet ! I’m fine ! Don’t worry !”

“I - I - I - I -” Billy tried, but no phrase came out of his mouth.

“Billy love, nothing happened, I just fell” Steve tried with his usual excuse, but this time he knew there was too much blood for Billy to believe him. His husband seemed to have a panic attack.

“I - I - h - hit y - you” He manage to get out.

“No, no it was just an accident !”

“I hit you” He choked out.

Steve seeing that they weren’t going anywhere with the conversation, slowly got up. Billy now was normal, he was staring at the crimson puddle. Steve had a strong headache that was drumming on his skull. He went in the bathroom to see the damage leaning heavily on the walls. His reflex was quite spectral, he was deadly pale, he had big bags under the eyes, and to complete the work there was dried blood coming from if nose, is whole right side was covered in blood because he was laying on that side. With another mirror he saw that he had a wide cut on the back of his head, it was pretty long and deep, but nothing seemed broken. He had hit his head pretty hard on the counter of the kitchen.  
He washed his face and went back to Billy.

The man was still staring into the blood left on the floor. 

“Come on, go to seat Billy I’ll clean here” Steve said. Billy was still drunk and obeyed like a little child. 

It took Steve one hour and half to clean all the mess, both because he was tired and the blood that had already dried was impossible to remove.  
Then he turned to Billy, the man had been quiet all the time, watching how Steve struggled wiping his own blood. 

“We are all dirt, why don’t we take a bath ?” Steve was far more exhausted, but he couldn’t stop there.

Billy just nodded.

Steve washed Billy who seemed to recompose himself a little, at every passing minute. Steve was cleaning his hand when he suddenly pulled away. 

“What are you doing ?” He asked.

“Washing you, isn’t it obvious ?” 

“What the fuck happened to you ? Is this blood ?” 

Perfect, Steve thought, Billy didn’t remember even this time.

“It’s nothing”

He saw that Billy didn’t believed him, but did he had a choice ? Yes he had one, but he needed to talk with Dustin before. 

Then Billy realised that he was naked and that Steve could see all the love marks he had from his last night. Steve watched how he tried to cover them, but it was useless.  
“I already seen them a long time ago” He said sadly.

“I - They are from - from gym” Billy tried to lie.

“Don’t hide the fact that you had been with others men, I already knew it. I know that we haven’t been close lately, I’m always at work and you - well I’m not around” Steve was calm.

“This isn’t working Billy, I need sometimes to think”

“I -” Billy began but Steve cut him off.

“It’s not your fault, I should have been more around”

There was a pause then he said it.

“Lately you have been so depressed and I don’t know how to help you get through it, the reason is because I can’t. I can’t hide the fact that we are not as some years ago, you were happy and I was happy you were. God I’m happy when you are happy, but in these months I realised that I’m not making you happy anymore. I don’t want to hurt you any further.” He breathed deeply. “Billy, I think that we should get divorced”

The other man was staring at him with an open mouth.

“Don’t say anything, please think about it” 

With that he left the bathroom. 

Steve waited Billy to finish, then he washed himself. When he exited the bathroom he saw that Billy was in the bed, snoring loudly. As much as Steve hated to admit it : divorce was the only solution at this point.

He went in the kitchen and slept on the couch. 

His alarm startle him, he didn’t catch a single hour of proper sleep. His heart ached far more badly than his head. 

He got dressed in his uniform and was about to exit, but something was preventing him to get out. He went to see his not for long husband, Billy was sleeping peacefully. Steve started to cry, he couldn’t restrain himself, he gave the man their last kiss on the cheek. Then he tiredly and sadly went out.

Billy woke up late, he was so hungry. He went in the kitchen, but as a bad memory he remembered what had happened there last night, what Steve had said.  
He stayed at the table without even thinking about beer one time. He opened the fidge just to find out that it was empty, hadn't Steve go to the supermarked ? Usually he always had something for Billy, like chocolate or sweets which Billy liked. He thought that he still loved Steve a little at least, but more hours passed and the thought seemed more and more like a lie.

What Steve had told him were the things they never said to each other. Divorce ? All Steve had said was true, Billy wasn’t in love with him anymore. How it happened so fast, Billy didn’t know it, but he spent the whole day thinking about it. 

At the end of the day he had decided : they would become divorced and forget about each other. Now he had the response, he just needed to speak with Steve and he would be free from this marriage that he couldn’t cultivate anymore.

The night came, but of Steve there was no signs. Billy had caught himself being in apprehension for the first time in months. Usually Steve would call him to warn that he would be late, so that Billy would not think that something had happened to him. But that was a long time ago. Why was he so late exactly this night ?  
He was changing his shirt to go to sleep when the phone rang.

“Hello ?” Billy asked pissed as ever.

“Hello, is this Mr Hargrove ?” A female voice answered.

“Yes here I am !”

“We are calling from the hospital”

Billy’s heart dropped. What had happened ? Was Steve ok ? 

“What happened ?”

“What I’m going to say might be hard” Billy was breathless. 

“Your husband has been shot during a bank robbery”


	3. It hurts

There was no time Billy gathered a change of clothes and his jacket. He ran out of the apartment and stormed toward the hospital with his car.   
As soon as he arrived, he went to the reception, where a young nurse was writing something on a paper.

“How can I help you Sir ?”

“I’m Billy Hargrove, you called me for my husband !” He said in agitation.

“Oh, before you see the doctor you need to sign there papers” She said.

Billy didn’t even know what he wrote on them, all he could think of was Steve.

“How is he ?” He asked in a shaking voice.

“Your husband is still under operation, but as soon as the surgeon finish I will call you straight away, now please wait here. I have to warn you that the operation is complicated and that you would have to wait for some hours” 

Billy sighed, he went to seat in the waiting room, which was quite crowded. He was so nervous, he started to sweat a lot, he thought about all the things that could have happened to Steve. He kept asking himself if he would have a last chance to see him again. Will Steve survive ? What will happen to him ? 

Hours passed and now Billy was the only one in the waiting room. At some point hot tears started to leak down his face. 

He was wrong. He still loved Steve. How could have he pretended that he didn’t needed him around anymore ? How could have Billy cheated on Steve like that ? How could Steve still love him after all the things he had done to him ? How a person could care this much about his happiness ? How ? 

Now Billy was sobbing hard, he had been so blind that he hadn’t saw the true love that Steve was giving him. But now that he was so close to lose his husband, he could misure how infinite that love was. He had been a stupid, his heart would always belong to Steve. In his life there would have been just a man, and that man was Steve.

After an endless time, a doctor came in the room. Billy was immediately up.

“You must be Mr Hargrove” He said shaking hands.

“How is he ?” Billy asked, he was afraid of the answer.

“Your husband has been shot this evening. The bullet had punctured the right lung near the heart. It got stuck between two ribs in his back. We had took it out, but the operation had been complicated. when the ambulance had arrived he had already lost too much blood. And to complicate his already serious conditions, during the operation, we found out that he had sustained recently a bad concussion in the back of the head. Because of his serious wounds and internal bleeding we had to put him in a coma. He is currently in intensive care, but his condition are so serious that we don’t know if he will make it through the night” 

Billy couldn’t talk, how could he ? The doctor seemed to read his paralysed expression.

“We are doing all we can, but now it’s up to him to wake up”

“C - can I see him ?” Billy’s voice was just a whisper.

“Yes, of course”

Billy followed the Doctor that was showing him the way. After walking white long corridors that seemed all the same, they enter a room.

Billy had to lean on the wall for support. In the middle of the room there was a bed, on the bed he could see a white hand. Steve wasn’t slightly recognizable, hundreds of wires of differents dimensions were attached to his frail body. At his harms there were two IV and one bag of blood. He was covered with white sheets, but to Billy Steve seemed paler than that. His head was all bandaged and around his nose and mouth an oxygen mask was making him breath. others wires were coming from under the sheets, but Billy could see that his torso was bandaged as well. On the other side of the room, a big noisy machine was counting Steve’s heart beat. For Billy it was too slow. 

“Ehm, I don’t know how to explain this, but we found out by the blood test result that he is in a not so early state of malnutrition, even this factor will count for his injures”

Billy now could remember all the times lately when Steve didn’t eat. Probably it was because Billy had spent all their money in drinks.

“You can touch his hand and talk to him, even if he is in a come he would hear you” The doctor exited the room and left Billy there alone.

Billy sat next the bed. Steve seemed dead, the sight of his body was making him want to die.

He took his hand, and was confused of how light, skeletal and thin his fingers seemed. 

He cried, he cried a lot. All this was his fault, he was a monster like his dad.

He stayed there crying till he understood that he hadn’t much more time. He needed to tell Steve that he still loved him. He still cared, and that he was sorry.

Billy talked to his husband all night, no his heart spoke for him. 

When the morning finally come, his lover beat was still there, but he hadn’t improved much.

“Steve, please I need you ! I love you ! I can’t live without you ! I’m nothing without you !” He sobbed. 

He was crying hard when he heard a voice, no a whisper.

“Bil- ?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be just on Steve like a flash back !


	4. Run Steve ! Run !

Steve didn’t remember anything after the pain he had felt in his torso. He hadn’t been feeling well for some days now, his body seemed off. Moving and running around seemed more difficult that he remembered. 

When the bank alarm had called them, he and his colleagues had immediately went to save the situation. This wasn’t something that hadn’t happened before, but today he was off. He was slow and had a bad aim. He had tried to take one down, but he didn’t saw another man standing a few meters from him. He had had just the time to turn around then everything had went black.

He had woke up in his dream, or maybe nightmare. he was dressed all in white, but around him there was just darkness. He didn’t even know how could he walk if there wasn’t a floor. Looking for an exit, he had walked far more that he expected. In the Room, as Steve had decided to call it, there was absolutely nothing ! He just sat down, suddenly feeling exhausted.

The place was quiet, but after sometimes, which felt like hours, he heard a noise. It was like somebody was in pain, no the person seemed in the middle of an heartbreak, an emotional heartbreak. 

Steve got up and started to walk toward the sound. He didn’t wanted somebody to cry like that, what if he was one of his kids ? 

The voice was still not identifiable so he started running. He ran and ran so much, he was sweating a lot and panting hard. Then he understood a word : love. The person the was sobbing hard was talking about somebody, maybe the one that broke his heart, Steve thought. He shouted at the voice direction :

“Oi ! Don’t cry ! Please, everything would be alright !” But nobody answered him, the voice continued to whine in pain. 

He kept running, but now he could feel a strange sensation building up on his left side, near the heart. The feeling soon became pain. At some point he had to slow down, because he couldn’t breath anymore for how much his side hurt. He let his weak body collapse in that darkness.

He was giving up, to follow the voice when :

“I can’t lose you Steve !” This time the words were clear, this person was crying for him !

He lifted his head. he needed to go on, to get deeper, he needed to know who this person was. 

He tiredly got up and started to limp. 

“Please Steve ! I - I need you ! I can’t go on like this ! I’m sorry for everything that I have done to you ! I’m really sorry !” 

Steve could feel all the grief, the guilt, the regret and the love in that voice, but he still couldn’t understand who it was. This time he started running as fast as he could.

“Please ! Wait ! Who are you ? Wait for me, I’m coming ! Please ! I’m running !” Steve screamed on top of his aching lungs.

Now the pain in his torso was more real. He looked down, on his white shirt there was forming a red stain. It was like acrylic paint. The crimson was growing wider and wider at every second. Now he was covered of the red liquid, but it was obvious that it was his blood. He was running, but he could feel just pain, his own physical pain. He stumbled on the ground catching his breath. He was giving up again, no his body was shutting down. he couldn’t go on anymore. He just lay there feeling all the numbness claiming his limbs. He was so tired, he closed the eyes.

“I can’t live without you ! I love you !!! I love you Steve !!!” Suddenly the voice screamed.

Steve recognised it ! He opened his eyes. It was Billy, his husband. Steve was shocked, how could have he forget him ? How didn’t he acknowledge him ? 

Billy was crying for him, he had said that he still loved Steve, he needed him now. 

With all the energies he had left, Steve got up, he was drenched in blood. He launched toward Billy’s voice. 

“Billy !!!! I’m coming ! Billy !!!” 

Suddenly everything disappeared, he was finally awake, he blinked a few times, but what he was staring at didn’t get any less blurred. 

Billy was near him, he couldn’t see him, but he could hear his cry.

“Steve, please I need you ! I love you ! I can’t live without you ! I’m nothing without you !” Billy sobbed. 

Steve was moved by his words, he wanted to reassure him, but speaking seemed impossible. 

After differents tentatives, he finally managed to get out just a whisper :

“Bil- ?”

Billy sat up immediately and leaned closer to the bed.

“Steve ? Steve ? Are you there ?” Billy said almost choking for all the tears he had cried.

Steve opened up his eyes slowly, his eyelid was feeling so heavy.

“Oh my God ! Steve ! You - you - you are alive ! Oh Steve, I love you so much ! I’m sorry for everything I did to you ! I - I’m so much sorry !”

Billy continued to cry, but now his tear where from joy.

Steve wanted to speak, wanted to see Billy’s face clearly, he wanted to hug him, but his body was immobile. 

He tried to talk again, but now just a wail of pain escaped his lips.

“Don’t talk ! You need rest ! You - you had been shot ! I - I - I’ll call a doctor”

Billy left Steve alone in the room, just in that moment Steve understood that Billy had held his hand the whole time. 

A doctor came in and was surprised to see Steve awake. He checked on him, but with relief he announced that everything would be fine. 

Billy stayed at Steve side for all his convalescence, the first days he slept on a chair by Steve’s bed holding his hand tight. 

Steve stayed at the Hospital two months and half, but he went home like new. Billy in the middle time, found a good job near the police station in a officine. They decided to recelebrate their marriage together with a big lunch for all their friends like a real marriage. They were in love as ever ! Billy was always buying things to Steve, like flowers or chocolates, just like he did when they were younger, Steve would take Bily out for romantic dinners. Their relationship was reborn, and it continued for all their life

Billy had felt how it would have been his life without Steve and he had understood that just when you lose someone, you realise how much you needed that person !

**Author's Note:**

> This is not my first language ! Please if you spot mistakes tell me !


End file.
